Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in the "indigomoon79" journal:
Rock and Roll|
Two days to go before the bridal shower. I have so much to do. My maid of honor and my mother are hosting it, but we have to have it at my house. My house was the best option. And I love my house. But I have a lot to do if I am going to get it in top notch condition. I want to get a pedicure too, but my lovley fiance wants me to stay home. He works a lot and I know that he misses me, and I miss him too. But my toes aren't going to do themselves you know. I think that this is the perfect time. I need an excuse to procrastinate.
|I must have been dealing with some serious PMS last time I wrote. I feel much better now. Donny is dealing with his job very well, and his new sleep schedule. I am learning to handle it better. It kind of sucks that I don't have free run of the house during the day. I'm always thinking of things that I have to do in rooms that I can't get to when Donny is trying to sleep. Anway, I should really stop bitching about it. It's not going to get better that way. |
My bridal shower is next weekend. I am so excited. And I am so nervous. First of all, I asked that everyone donate to the Amnesty International Campaign for Stop The Violence Against Women instead of getting me a gift. All these same people will be coming to the wedding and getting us gifts then too. And we really have everything we could ever want. But no one can handle it when Renee decides to do something just a little different. My future mother in law sent out an email letting everyone know that they can get a gift despite this whole donation thing. So everyone is bringing a gift, excpet my friends, because they can't afford to do both. I would never want them to. I wanted donations. At the sasme time I don't want them to feel left out for not bringing a gift. ~sigh~ It was supposed a really good idea and now I feel like it's turning into a big mess. I guess we'll see how it goes.
I'm really excited about the wedding. It's all I think about. I can't believe the day is only 2 and half months away. I think if it gets any closer I'm going to lose it. A lof of anxiety comes with an event like this. It'll be on video for everyone to see whenever they want. People will always remember it and talk about it. But will they remember how beautiful it was, or how I tripped on the runner even after Donny warned me not to get one. Cross your fingers.
it's been forever|
It's been forever since I have written. Things are so up and down. I feel like I live life to the extreme. Sometimes extreme good and sometimes extreme bad. Or extreme stress. Donny got this promotion. I was really happy about it, and of course, he was really happy about it. But he works nights now in a 12 hour shift. The guy who quit, and the reason why Donny got this job, left because his family couldn't handle the demand of the hours anymore. I am already feeling it. Donny is never home. If he is home he is sleeping. It's not his fault, but at the same time I feel so lonley. I am always alone. The kids are such a huge responsablility. It leaves me no time for myself. No time for me to bond with others. Maybe I'm just bieng a total bitch about it. Everyone's life is hard. I really have no right to bitch.
The wedding plans are coming along great except for the part where I never get to see my fiance. I just need companionship. But his job comes first. And I know that it always will. We can't keep up the lavish lifestyle that we are used to if he were to quit and I know that. I wish there was another way. Everything was so wonderful before the promotion. Maybe there is a pill I can take to get rid of the lonlies. Lol. If only it were that easy. I would be a millionare and Donny could quit anyway.
There is so much to do before the holidays. My future in laws are coming over on Christmas Day. Grandma is coming over too. She is dealing with dementia at the present time. And that's not easy for anyone. She can't get right with the idea that grandpa died. He's gone and she can't accept it. I don't blame her either, but that doesn't make this any easier. Who knows what she is going to do or say. I hope she can control herself. Donny still doesn't know what he wants to get for his parents. He did come up with a gift for Grandma though thank goodness. I am freaking out about keeping the house clean. Everyone that has to live with me hates that. but I don't want to have a bunch of stuff to do on Christmas Day. Especially since Donny told his parents to come over "whenever" I can't believe he did that. I need to have a few glasses of wine because I know that there is no reason for m to be THIS stressed out about this. Everything doesn't have to be perfect Renee. It'll happen. and if Donny's mother has an issue with something then she can host Christmas next year. That is the attitude that I should have. But I want to please everyone. And for some reason I feel like it's all on my shoulders. But I know that it's not. I don't know why I insist on freaking out this time of year, but I do know that I need to pull myself together. Everything is going to be fine. It's going to be great. If I burn the turkey who cares. Right. Just Breathe.
I know that one of the most common arguments that couples have is money. And I can't even say that we actually fight about money. There's not much to fight about usually, but this time of year everyone is on a budget. And of course I want us to get gifts for all of our friends and family. I draw the line at people we don't know. In short that means people that he hangs with online. I know that a lot of people have close relationships with people on the net and that's cool. i don't feel like online friends should be a priority for us though. We have plenty of real life friends to take care of. And I know that my sweetie is a generous person and that it hurts him to not be able to give to everyone. And I hate being the reality fairy at Christmas time. I think each one of us complains about what the other spends. It's really bothering me today because I am PMSing.
God I hate PMS. It's so not fair. Do guys think that we like going nuts once a month. Yesterday I was even being mean to my mother. I can usually get through any kind of conversation with her politly. But not this time, and when she told me that I was PMSing I got even more mad and told her that she was crazy. Of course, not long after that I came to my senses. I had to call her back tell her that she was right and apologize. I think that denial is part of it. When it's at it's worst I never think that I am PMSing. I obviously can't think straight. I wonder if this is normal or not. I have heard of women taking prozac only when they are PMSing. I don't know how bad it's supposed to be before you go there though. Maybe it's totally normal. I know that it's the same with my mom.
I have so much to do today. I should get started before it gets overwhelming.
It's been a busy week. Lots of shopping. We took the kids to see Santa. I have all of the Santa gifts except one. Thank goodness there is no extra stress there. I always get nervous around the holidays. I am so used to struggling through them financially. This is the third year that money hasn't been an issue for me during the holidays. But I still get freaked out this time of the year. Old habits die hard. This time of year also reminds me of how proud I am of my little family. We always have the most amazing time on Christmas morning. It's truly magical, and I can't wait for it to come around again this year. I can't wait to see the kids faces.
Being engaged is so exciting. We haven't announced our wedding date yet, but we did finally decide. March 11th 2006. I really wanted to do it in October. It's my favorite time of year. The weather is perfect. But I don't think next October is too soon, and the one after that is way too far. The date we picked gives us a little over a year. That's perfect. I kind of want a wintery wedding too. I love really dark colors. I have the whole month of December to envision what I want and daydream about the perfect wedding. I know that none of the stressful planning will happen until after the holidays. So I am really enjoying this time before the reality of budgets and stuff set in to let my imagination run wild. I think flowers will be my focus. I've been looking at a lot of flowers. This is just a really exciting time for me. I couldn't be happier.
I just got engaged last Wednesday. Things have been kind of crazy since then. I've had to make specials plans to see everyone that I know to talk about the good news. We aren't going to announce the date until Christmas Day because I don't want to have to make plans before the holidays. I have finally had a few moments to let it sink in. I can't believe that I am really getting married. I am really excited and nervous at the same time.
Christmas is getting closer and I feel like I am finally ahead of the game this year. I am done with all of the kids shopping. I am close to done with shopping for the SO. I still do have my mother and my friends. Hopefully I won't be stressed out the last week before Christmas. That's when it's crunch time. I still have to decide what to make for Christmas dinner now that I know that my SO's family is coming over. And they are Jewish. I would say they are more Jewish by culture than people who actually practice the religion. So I hope they like a traditional christmas dinner. I think they will be open to it anyway. Mom asked me to get her movies this year. I usually get her bath and body works stuff. I'm glad I can get her something different this year. It's not going to matter what I get my dad. I am sure he will have something negative to say about it. I can't stand exchanging gifts with my father because he would never ever thank me for s gift. He will say something negative about the gift and then move on as if I owed him better. No matter how well thought out or expensive or coveted the gift is. I have tried everything. It's almost a running joke at this point. He has been in therapy lately though. Maybe this year it will be different. I hope that my babies are happy with everything that they get. That is why i still celebrate Christmas.
Current Mood: indifferent
Current Music: Kenny Chesney - There goes my life